Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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