he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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