Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
