I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
