Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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