but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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