i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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