Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
