Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
