So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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