dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
