the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
