so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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