I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
