Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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