Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
