Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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