Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
