Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
