I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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