please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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