And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
