Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
