are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
