who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
