; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
