what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
