And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
