never play flip cup with pint glasses
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
