Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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