Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
