Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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