I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize