I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
