Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
