Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
