I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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