i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
