I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
