I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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