Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
