My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
