Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
