haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
