the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
