thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
