is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize