Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am one with the molecules
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
