Is it normal to miss your booty call?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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