i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
