Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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