I'm so fucking centered right now
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
