and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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