the condom got lost in my hair
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
