but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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