she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
