Three words: puerto rican gang bang
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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