Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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