ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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