So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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