So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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