i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you win again, gameday.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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