I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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