I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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