I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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