Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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