this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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