Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
