New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
