so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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