I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
