Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im holly from the hills drunk
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm like, not good at living.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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