I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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