i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
