I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
