she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
