Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
