the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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