i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
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They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
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apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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