ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
