I feel great
I just peed on a car
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
