lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
