they need to just BURY HIM!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
