I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
